I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
