i permit you to call me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
