Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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