I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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