dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
