Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
