We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just googled if crying burns calories
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
