Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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