Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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