Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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