I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
