I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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