Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
