i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your penis caused this!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
