no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
