ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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