There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
