i permit you to call me
Jerry, you need to find god
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
