Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
