His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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