it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
