I just pynch a tree in the face
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
