theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
