Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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