we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
