Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
