So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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