i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
