Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
