clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
