I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
