...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
