I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
