You can't special order awesome
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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