Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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