Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
