Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
