I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
