U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
