I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
