The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
