I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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