You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ugly people sure do ruin things
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize