Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
