where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize