i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
