Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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