I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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