Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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