Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
