She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
