he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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