just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
