Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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