It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
