Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
