Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
