I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize