I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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