Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
