Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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