im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We won't sleep together?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
