Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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