I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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