just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
