My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
