a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
