Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
