Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
