You smell like a Billy Joel song
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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