she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
