look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
