I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
