Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
