I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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