my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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