We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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