i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
