I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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