Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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