No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
