He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
