if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
