I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
