there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
