Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
