i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize