some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
