we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want nice things and good sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Shame - the story of my life.
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