How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
