I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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