Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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