he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you never un-have a 4some
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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